Austin N--Revised 3/12/07

King I have a story to tell you. The story is called The Black Dog of Hanging Hills. This guy named Austin N went hiking in Hanging Hills in Hannibal,MO and saw a black dog.Then he went to Joe's Diner and orderd some coffee. Then he was telling a waitress about the hike. He told her about the black dog and she said "That black dog is bad luck". Then she said "If you see the dog once its for joy twice is for sorrow three times you will die". The man and his friend Dylan Wood did not believe her. So they went hiking on the hill and saw the black dog for the second time. The Austin N was walking and he slipped and fell down the hill. They had to send in a rescue team because he had broken his leg in two places so they took him to him to a hospital in St.Louis,MO. Then he was at the hospital and he said "I'm never going hiking up there again!! Do you think the story is true or false?
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Austin N --
King I have a story to tell you. The story is called The Black Dog of Hanging Hills. This guy went hiking in Hanging Hills and saw a black dog. Then he was telling a waitress about the hike. He told her about the black dog and she said "That black dog is bad luck". Then she said "If you see the dog once its for joy twice is for sorrow three times you will die". The man and his friend did not believe her. So they went hiking on the hill and saw the black dog for the second time. The guy was walking and he sliped and fell down the hill. They had to send in a rescue team because he had broken his leg in two places. Then he was at the hospital and he said "I'm never going hiking up there again. The end
COMMENTS?

texboy writes:

hi Austin ,

I think you could put a lot more voice into it . You
could put more detail into it . Other than that I like it .
I like how you used a black dog because that is
easier to visualize .
Is the dog big or small ? What state or country are they in? what resturaunt or diner does the waiter
work ? What are the guys names ? Was the dog in the plain sight or hidden ? Was it in day or night ?

Maddog56 writes:
I heard-I heard that he saw a black dog but what happens next add some more detail in it. It is a good topic you could probably write a hole page on this topic just it is a good start but that is only the beginning you still need a middle and the end but its pretty good.
I know-I know that he seen a black dog and he falls and breaks his leg in two separate spots but you cant say that happened then you cant back it up. I believe that You have potenchal to write a page of of this ad more detail and your story will be a awesome story no one knows it could be a best selling book no one knows.
I think- You could do a lot more writing. you could add to this topic you could write just about five pages on this work on it a little bit more every day and you will be there in no time keep working you will get there trust me.
do better- You could do a lot better but do not get flustered or you will never get it done just take it one step at a time do not take this peararsonally but yo can do a lot better I know that a little better.
tips-1 tip never leave the reader hanging because then we do not know what happens next 2 tip tell us what is next.

Dear Austin,
I like your story. How did you get the idea. I like the whey you use your ditels. And your writing. I heard that the dog is black.I wonder if
what is the king name. By Juan Carlos Cms