Bianca--3/12/07 revised


Hello king,
I want to tell you a story called `The Snow Birds`. This story is about two boys named Ralph and Edward who went to their grandma`s house in China. It started snowing hard because it was winter. So they went to bed. The next morning they woke up early at 6:00, and went outside. Then they had a snow ball fight and Edward got the first snowball and hit Ralph in the head. They went back in the house to get warm. Ralph looked out the window and saw two fat birds. One bird was red and the one was blue. So he called Edward over to the window so he could see them too. The birds food was under the snow so Ralph and Edward give the two birds seeds that were black and brown. It sounded like the birds said" Thank You and then another Thank You. The two boys said, " You're welcome." Then the birds headed South. The moral of the story is always help animals while you got a chance. My name is Bianca and I wrote this story!
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Hello king,
I want to tell you a story called `The Snow Birds`. Our story is about two boys named Ralph and Edward went to there grandma`s house. It started snowing hard so they went to bed the next morning they woke up, and went outside then they had a snow ball fight then they went back in to get warm. Ralph looked out the window and saw two birds. So he called Edward over to the window so he could see them too. the birds food was under the snow so Ralph and Edward give the two birds food. It sounded like the birds said"Thank you Thank you".
COMMENTS?

comments from eragon,
I heard… That two boys wanted to go out in the snow but it was to snowy. So the next day they had a snowball fight and went back in to escape the cold and saw two birds and fed them.

I liked… That there were very few spelling and grammar mistakes.

I wondered… What was the moral of the story,and what else happened with the birds?
"I had a question about…" What did the boys give the birds,details like that could make your story excellent!
"I was looking for an example of…"A moral,all fables have morals, the moral could be how birds started to talk. What do you think?

comment's by: snow cone
"I heard… That boy's wanted to go in the snow but couldn't. The next day they had a snowball fight and ran a away from the cold the had to feed two bird's.

"I liked… How you did not make any spelling mistakes. You did not have run-on sentences witch is important.


"I wondered… what the kids did the next day and what they did with the bird's.


I was looking at a example... i thought it was going to be a true story at first. I thought someone was going to get hurt with a snowball during the figh By Bianca --

I had a question... What kind of bird's they were because they could have been magic one's.
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Comments by: Luis-Carol Morgan School
Dear Bianca
I liked your story cose it is in china and i love chines food. I wondered do you like snow.
My answer to Luis: 4/10/07- I like SNOW! From Bianca!
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dear bianca,
I wonder why you got this idea.Why did the birds talk?Why did ralph & edward give the two little birds seeds?i think you could inprove your writing.keep up the good work.And try to give sense to your story.
from:gianfranco
to:bianca
My answer to Gianfranco: 4/10/07- I said it sounded like the bird said "Thank you and Thank You! The birds food was under the snow.
From Bianca: Thank you for the the comments!