Jessica 2-12-08





Jessica – The Haunted House
Final draft 3/26/08
Once upon a time there was a boy named Jack and a girl named Marry. They lived in Hannibal. They were walking home from summer school at noon. They both were in 3rd grade, and they were about 8 or 9 years old. They were happy about that they had no homework.

On
Griffin street Jack and Marry saw an old house that was black, with a pointy roof, a crooked front porch, and 4 windows and 1 broken window. Jack said , "let's go in." Marry said, ''ok''. The front door was unlocked so they went in. The door slammed shut and locked when they were inside. They were so scared they screamed.

Then they looked inside and they saw books, two wood chairs, and every thing was dusty.
Marry was so scared because there were flying books flying off the bookshelf. Then Jack sat down and the chair started to go up and down. Jack said, " let me down''. They ran to the doors but the doors were all locked. They were so scared that they both fell to the dirty floor. A ghost came out of a closet. It was white with a black hat and it was moving forwards and backwards.

That's why they both fell down. Then they ran to a window to break the window to get out. They jumped out the window and fell on the grown then they ran home scared. When they both got home they both told their parents what happen so the parents said we all will go and check it out tomorrow. So the next day they all went to the Haunted house to check it out but when they went in they were really scared because there were books flying around again. The mom said, ''let's get out of here'' and the dad said, ''ok''. Then they ran home and called the police and told them what happen. The kids went home scared and hid under their bed. After that they didn't walk home never again. THE END!




First draft ----
Once upon a time there was a boy named Jack and a girl named Merry. They lived in Hannibal. They were walking home from summer school at noon. They both were in 3rd grade, and they were about 8 or 9 years old.

On Griffin street Jack and Merry saw an old house that was black, with a pointy roof, a crooked front porch, and 4 windows and 1 broken window . Jack said , "let's go in." Merry said, ''ok''. The front door was unlocked so they went in. The door slammed shut and locked when they were inside.

Then they looked inside and they saw books, two wood chairs, and every thing was dusty.
Merry was so scared because there were flying books flying off the bookshelf. Then Jack sat down and the chair started to go up and down. Jack said, " let me down''. They ran to the doors but the doors were all locked. They were so scared that they both fell to the dirty floor. A ghost came out off a closet. It was white with a black hat and it was moving forwards and backwards.


That's why they both fell down. Then they ran to a window to break the window to get out. They jumped out the window and fell on the grown then they ran home scared. When they both got home they both told their parents what happen so the parents said we all will go and check it out tomorrow. So the next day they all went to the Haunted house to check it out but when they went in they were really scared because there were books flying around again. The mom said,''let's get out of here'' and the dad said,''ok''. Then they ran home and call the police and told them what happen. The kids went home scared and hid under their bed. After that they didn't walking home never again.THE END!




I Jessica I'm Jasmine. I liked the idea that you put in your story! Your story is great, but you spelt one of the names wrong, anyway most of the spelling is right. Your story is great and I like the way you didn't use lots of speech marks.you mikght need to fix up your last sentence. I like the part when they went into the house. I think you could make your story longer and the middle part have more things happening. In the begining I like the way you didn't make it to long and made it go into the the middle part quicker. I think the part whethe books were flying around was really funny and it made me want to read more.