Mercadees

Mercadees – Down By The Old Banana Tree
Final draft 3/26/08

In the year 2000 on the northern cold side of Brazil in the big green jungle, four monkeys lived in a old trunk with fallen leaved banana tree. In the jungle there were bugs buzzing around and snakes slivering and hissing. The banana tree was 25 feet tall and at the top of the tree there was a house with only 16 branches holding it up.

In the house there were four monkeys watching how to make Banana chili soup on the food channel. Oh yeah the name of the monkeys are Little Sis she is light brown with a short tale and about 3 feet tall, Big Bro he is medium brown with a medium sized tale and about 6 feet tall, Mama she is brown with a normal sized tale and about 9 feet tall, and Papa he is dark brown with a long tale and about 12 feet tall.

While they were watching T.V. on the television set, then they heard some noise outside it was two lion fitting over a mixed girl lion while the lions where fighting they hit the old house and it came tumbling down. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH the house is falling" they all yelling. While the house was on the ground Mama said " pack your bags cause we have to find a new home" they were walking for hours until ... Little sis spotted a beautiful 36 feet high brown sturdy trunk with bright green leaves hanging on it. They were all upstairs unpacking their stuff while mama was cooking supper.

Come down here for supper it is your favorite papa Banana chili soup. They all came running to the table. " Munch munch munch" was the sound of them chewing on the vegetables." I'm full" said papa, " Me too" said Mama, "me three" said Big Bro , "me four " said Little sis. All of the monkeys went off to bed and when then got in bed they were asleep.

The next morning mama was the first one a wake making Banana blueberry smoothies and Banana pancakes. After Zao Dian ( breakfast) the two little monkeys washed up and then went outside to play while Mama and Papa were sitting in the swing (that was on the deck) watching the two little monkeys play!!!

THE END









First draft
In the year 2000 on the northern cold side of Brazil in the big green jungle, where Four monkeys lived in a old trunk with fallen leaved banana tree. In the jungle there were bugs buzzing around and snakes slivering and hissing. The banana tree is 25 feet tall and at the top of the tree there is a house with only 16 branches holding it up.

In the house there was four monkey watching how to make Banana chili soup on the food channel. Oh ya the name of the monkeys are Lil Sis she is light brown with a short tale, Big Bro he is medium brown with a medium sized tale, Mama she is brown with a normal sized tale, and Papa he is dark brown with a long tale.

while they were watching t.v. they heard some noise outside it was two lion fitting over a girl lion they hit the house. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH the house is falling" they all yelling. While the house was on the ground Mama said " pack your bags cause we have to find a new home" they were walking for hours until ... Lil sis spotted a beautiful 36 feet hight brown sterty trunk with bright green leaves hanging on it. that is .They were all upstairs unpacking their stuff while mama was cooking supper.

Come down here for supper it is your favorite papa Banana chili soup. they all came running to the table. " Munch munch munch" was the sound of them chewing on the vegetables." I'm full" said papa, " Me too" said Mama, "me three" said big bro , "me four " said Lil sis. All of the monkeys went off to bed and when then got in bed they were asleep.

The next morning mama was the first one awake making Banana blueberry smoothies and Banana pancakes. After Zao Dian ( breakfast) the two little monkeys washed up and then went outside to play while Mama and Papa were sitting in the swing (that was on the deck) watching the two little monkeys play!!!

THE END



Hi, my name is Katie. It is a really good story. I think you had a lot of detail but I think you made some spelling mistakes. It was a really cute story though. I heard that there were 4 monkeys. 1 papa monkey, 1 mama monkey, 1 sister monkey and 1 brother monkey and they had to find a new house. I liked the words you used for your first paragraph. They really helped me put the picture in my mind. I think you could improve on putting more describing words in the middle of your story. I think it had a good beginning and a good ending.