Shai'anye



Shai'anye

Shiatsu and the Red Eye Dog
Final Draft 3/26/08
Grrrrr. A shoe swung around and smacked the floor. The big Red Eyed dog was tearing up Shiatsu’s who is 9 years old mom's house slipper. She walked in though the back door into the kitchen while the dog was still eating her shoe. So her eyes got big! " That's it the dog has to go! She opened the door and the kitchen and kicked him out on to the streets of
Chicago.

The dog walked slowly on down the street feeling very sad and lonely. He heard music going chukka chukka boo chukka chukka boo. The Chicago Fair was going on. He got a little happy.

As he went down the street he saw where the Chicago Fair was. He saw costumes, people, and tents. He sat there looking sad. He smelled food like chicken and hot dogs grilling on the steaming grill. So that made him hunger. He went over by the grill and got a hot dog. After he got the hot dog a men came to him and chased him away.

He left the fair and went to a old and Red Trash can to get some sleep. At
12:00 at night he would always go and find some cats to eat. When he finds cats he says yum!

He chased after the cats to eat them. There were 3 cats. The colors where white, black, and brown. All of the cats went different ways like North, West, and East. The dog went North after the white cat. But he couldn't get it. He chased the white cat down
Hope Street. But the cat ran too fast. So he went back to where he lived. The dog got so mad that who walked by he will scared them away by barking at them and he was so hungry he wanted to eat them.

The dog started to bark at the men who walked by. So the men gave him some dog treats to stop he from barking. The red eye dog followed him all the way home. The man let the red eye dog into his house. The next day he walked him outside in the yard.
THE END!





first draft-
Shigatsu and the Red Eye Dog


Grrrrr. A shoe swung around and smacked the floor. The big red eyed dog was tearing up Shigatsu's mom's house slipper. She walked in though the back door into the kitchen while the dog was still eating her shoe. So her eyes got big! " That's it the dog has to go! She open the door and the kitchen an kicked him out on to the streets of Chicago.

The dog went on down the street feeling sad. He heard music going chicka chicka boo chicka chicka boo. The Chicago Fair was going on.


As he went down the street he saw the Chicago fair . He saw costumes, people, and tents. He sat there looking sad. He smelled food like chicken and hot dogs grilling on the grill. So that made him hunger. He went over by the grill and got a hot dog. After he got the hot dog a men came to him and chased him away.

He left the fair and went to a trash can to get some sleep. At 12:00 at night he will always go an find some cats to eat. When he finds cats he saids yum!

He chased after the cats to eat them. There were 3 cats. The color of the cat are white, black, and brown. All of the cats went North, West, and East. The dog went North after the white cat. But he couldn't get it. He chased the white cat down hope street. But the cat ran too fast. So he went back to the trash can where the dog lived. The dog got so mad that every child or parent that walked by he scared away by barking at them and he was so hungry he wanted to eat them.

The dog started to bark at the men who walked by. So the men had some dog treats, So the can stop barking at him. The dog stop barking after he ate that treat. The red eye dog followed him all the way home. The man let the red eye dog into his house.The next day he walked him outside in the yard.
THE END!


Comments: Hi this is Naomi. I thought the beginning of your story was exciting and it made me want to read more. AndI don,t realy like dogs that much but your story makes me like them more. Can you use some more describing words?