Casey -- story to the alien King
One day, there were two frogs that were on a farm hiding from a fox. When they finally found a hiding spot, they saw a giant can. One of the frogs said, "Look at that giant can!". The other one said that's not a can that's a pail of milk, do you know anything?" "Lets jump inside!" "OK." PLOP!!!! In they went. After a while they became tired, they said "WE CAN'T GET OUT, WE CAN'T GET OUT!!!!!!" One of them became so tired he could not swim anymore. So he began to sink to the bottom, and he drowned. The other one couldn't find a way to get out. Soon the milk turned to cream and it was getting thicker and thicker until it turned to butter and the frog that did not drown was able to stop swimming and rest. When he caught his breath, he was able to jump out of the pail and run to saftey. The fox was gone and the frog was safe.
casey-king.jpg
COMMENTS?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Dear Casey

I heard that there were 2 frogs hiding in a farm from a fox. They found a giant can and found that it was milk. It was sad that one of them drown. It was happy when the one frog got out safely.
I liked that you were putting a lot of voice in the story. I especially heard voice when you used the word "PLOP" and in capital letters. I could really see the frogs when they were yelling for help and they couldn't get out. It was cool when all of sudden the second frog was saved because the milk turned to cream. This was right before he was going to cut his thread from the world and die.
I wondered what happened to the fox. Suddenly the frogs were escaping from the fox, but you didn't say what happened to him. I need to know what happened to the fox to make the story more interesting.
I had a question about how the milk turned to cream and then butter. You said it soon turned to cream. Does something have to happen before it does? Does milk turn to cream just over time? If you explained that a little better it would make more sense to me.
Here is an idea to think about for your story. What if a cat came up and tried to drink the milk out of the can? What would the frogs do? What would the cat do? That could be a twist to your
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Comment by derian
I heard that ther were 2 frogs hiding in a farmfrom a fox. I liked when the to frogs were saved. I wonder were Did the fox go.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From Casey - 4/13/07
The fox was to hungry to try and find them so he went off to find some other food.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++