Leeann

Leeann


 * The Scary Night** -final draft

It was at night in Quincy,Illinois. No one was on the street but ony two people Paul and Rachel walking. A dog was barking in Quincy but there are not supposed to be dogs in Quincy," Paul said " But I hear a dog barking". "Rachel said." But there are no dogs in Quincy!"

So they went to an old house to look for the dog they heard. It was in a really old house. All they found inside was a CD that sounded like a dog barking. They turned it off but it turned itself back on. So they took it off but it was back on again. So Rachel broke it then Paul stomped on it. Then they looked at it and all the peaces of the CD fixed itself! Rachel and Paul broke everything in the old house. Everything fixed itself and was jumping. Then everything stopped they saw a light. The light was coming from a Chinese dress. The dress was moving toward them. Then they heard a voice coming from the Chinese dress. The dress was going to get them! Then they heard a voice coming from the dress again and they saw a girl in the dress. The girl was a demon but they do not know who she was.

It was that night in Quincy,IL. No one was there but ony two people Paul and Rachel walking. A dog was barking in Quincy but there are no dogs in Quincy." Paul said " I hear a dog barking". "Rachel said." but there are no dogs in Quincy."
 * First draft**

They went to look for the dog. It was in a really old house. All they found was a CD that sound like a dog barking. They turned it off but when they turned back on. So they took it off but it was back on again. So Rachel broke it then paul stomped on it. Then they look at it and all the peaces of the CD fixed it self. Rachel and Paul broke evey thing in the old house. Every thing fix it self and is jumping. Then eveything stop they saw light. The light was comeing from a Chinese dress. The dress was going to them. Then they haerd a voice coming from the Chinese dress. The dress was going to get them. Then they heard a voice coming from the dress then they saw a girl in the dress. The girl is a demon but they do not know who she was.

Hi Leeann it's Lara I have a coment for you, your story was really good but there are some spelling errors and I don't think you have finished some sentenses and it could be a bit longer. My favourite part was when SORRY IT'S NOT FINISHED