Eriannia

Eriannia revised 3/12/07
Dear king, I have a story to tell you. It is called Twenty Valentines. Once Opon A time there was a girl name Millicent and there was a boy name Jimmy-boy. Valinetime is coming soon and Millicent wished the postman's come to her house the day after tomorrow and bring her 20 Valintimes. Then aunt Sara heard the whole conversation and told the children her ideas. Her idea was to make Valintines cards and send them to the childrens hospital. They slept with the valentines so they wouldn't get stolen and the children in the hospital like liked all the valentines so much! the next day aunt Sara saw the kid sleep so she woke the kids sleep so she got them into the car and took them to school and then she card the took the card and toke them to all the sick and hurt people at the hospital. then when she got home she did some throh cleaning when it was 7:00 pm Jimmy just came in and did his then at 8:30 after cheerleading practice millicent just went up stair and practice cheerleading and aunt Sara was washing the dishes her how and Millicent told her how her day was and she did. Aunt Sara looklike a teenager only she not and she has sparkly teeth. And every Sunday`she has on a beaticful dress`then aunt Sara and Jimmy`were watching Millicent cheerleading. And she get to go to Hollywood and she won the biggest trophy in the world. she was a champion and now she own her own cheerleading business. And also graduated in high school and now she is the most famous cheerleader. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Eriannia -- Dear king, I have a story to tell you. It is called Twenty Valentines. Once Opon A time there was a girl name Millicent and there was a boy name Jimmy-boy. Valinetime is coming soon and Millicent wished the postman's come to her house the day after tomorrow and bring her 20 Valintimes. Then aunt Sara heard the whole conversation and told the children her ideas. Her idea was to make Valintines cards and send them to the childrens hospital. They slept with the valentines so they wouldn't get stolen and the children in the hospital like liked all the valentines so much!!
 * COMMENTS?

live4horses writes:** "I liked…" that you did a spell check so it is easier to understand and i like your beginning but you need to put more detail into your righting

"I wondered…"about who the characters are and how they fit into the story

"I had a question about…"who Aunt Sara was and what she looked like

"I was looking for an example of…" the moral of the story and some details +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Dear Eriannia's, I heard in your story that a girl Millicent had a boy friend I like that you didn't made spelling erros.I wonder if in the future they got marries and had kids.

Your friend, David

Your right in the future they did have a kid. But thing got out of hand. Aunt Sarah's is a nice women and she look like this:her hair is blonde, and her eye are light blue and she is skinny and sometime she wear blue sparkly dress,and she baby set Jimmy;s and Millicent because their mother died no an airplane from her job in the DR and there father died by getting hit by a bus.
 * My answer to David:** 4-10-07

sincerly Eriannia