Alex

By Alex --revised 3-12-07
Hello king, I want to tell you a story called `The Snow Birds`. Our story is about two boys named Ralph and Edward went to there grandma`s house. It started snowing hard so they went to bed the next morning they woke up, and went outside then they had a snow ball fight then they went back in to get warm. Ralph looked out the window and saw two little birds. So he called Edward over to the clear window so he could see them too. The birds' food was under the snow so Ralph and Edward give the two birds food. It sounded like the birds said "Thank you Thank you". +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ By Alex -- Hello king, I want to tell you a story called `The Snow Birds`. Our story is about two boys named Ralph and Edward went to there grandma`s house. It started snowing hard so they went to bed the next morning they woke up, and went outside then they had a snow ball fight then they went back in to get warm. Ralph looked out the window and saw two birds. So he called Edward over to the window so he could see them too. the birds food was under the snow so Ralph and Edward give the two birds food. It sounded like the birds said"Thank you Thank you".
 * COMMENTS?**.

Dear Alex, I heard your story.I liked it because i love snow and snow ball fight too.I have a question about your story.Do you like birds,snowballs,and snowball fights?

I heard good voice in your story. There could have been a little more detail but you could always add some. All in all, it was good.

I liked the title and plot of your story. I like that you had some type of animals in your story.

I wondered what kind of food did they feed them? Be a little more descriptive.

I was looking for an example of how did you or where did you put the food?

HorsePerson
 * Alex's answer** to Horse person 4/10/07:They feed them breadand they gave them seeds.They put the food by the tree. and they really quietly walked over and put the food on the ground.what do you mean to be more descriptive?