DylanK

DylanK-- revised 3-12-07
Once there was a white rabbit who wanted to cross the black sea. On the other side of the sea he saw a humungas island called kee kee Ilind but he could not get across the river. So the rabbit called to the shark and said you dont have any friends. The shark said yes I do. then the go get all of them said the rabbit so he did he got all of his and they lined up across the water and the rabbit hopped across their backs and made it to the other side of the river and said to the shark I tricked you. The shark got very very mad and bit a big piece of the rabbits fur and ripped it off him. The rabbit ran to the king of the island and told him what had happend and asked how to get it back. So the king made a nest and said sleep here and he did and when he woke up the fur was back. He thanked the king and from that day on he never tricked any one again. Then the rabbit went back to the sharks and said to the shark I am sorry I tricked you and the shark said thats ok. Then the rabbit said can you give me a ride to the other side and the shark said ok and he gave a ride to the other side and the rabbit never did any thing mean to the sharks again.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ By Dylan K -- Once there was a white rabbit who wanted to cross the sea. On the other side of the sea he saw a very very big island but he could not get across the river. So he called to the shark and said how many friends do you have. So the shark got all of his freinds and they all lined up across the river and the rabbit hopped all the way across their backs and made it to the other side of the river and said to the shark I tricked you. The shark got very very mad and bit a big piece of the rabbits fur and ripped it off him. So the rabbit ran to the king of the island and told him what had happend and asked how to get it back. So the king made a nest and said sleep here and he did and when he woke up the fur was back. He thanked the king and from that day on he never tricked any one again. Dear DYLAN I LIKE YOUR STORY AND I WONDER WHAT HAPPEND TO THE SHARK AND RABBIT AND THE KING DO YOU LIKE RABBITS AND SHARKS? WHY DID YOU MAKE THIS STORY? WHAT HAPPEND TO THE OTHER SHARKS WHAT WERE THERE NAMES AND WHY DID THE RABBIT DO THAT IS THERE ENY POSIBILITIES ?WHAT TIPE OF ANIMAL IS THE KING WHY DID HE DO THAT TO THE RABBIT IF THE RABBIT DID SOMTHING BAD? - BRUNEI
 * COMMENTS?

live4friends writes:** "I like…"that you showed detail and use the phrase "chunk of his tail.". You have a really good Wiki-writing. "I wondered…" how the rabbit tricked the sharks, what did the rabbit say, (show conversations with the rabbit and the shark), or do to trick the sharks? also instead of very very big you might want to use humongous. maybe you might want to use some more describing words. "I wanted to know"... did the rabbit stay on the Island? if yes, did he like it there (tell in detailed sentences)? If no, how did he get back, and when did he get back? In my own head "I heard": The little rabbit asked the sharks to line up. He jumped on each one to get to the other side. A chunk of his tail got bit off. he slept in the kings palace and his tail grew back. From then on he was a very good little bunny.

OK here is how you can make your story better:

once a pone a time there was a snowy white rabbit. He always had a dream of crossing the ocean and now his dream would come true. The next day he asked a shark to gather up all it's shark friends and line up across the ocean. The shark didn't budge until finally he said... What's in it for me? I'll give you 10 buckets of fresh fish, but the buckets are on the Island so I need to get across first, said the rabbit. deal! and with a splash the shark was gone 30 seconds later 70 sharks were lined up. The rabbit said thanks. He wobbled across each and every shark watching were he stepped. Finally he was on the island. then the rabbit turned around and said "I tricked you, I tricked you, Ha Ha, Ha Ha." The shark got all fired up and chomped on the little bunnies tail taring a chunk right off! the bunny started to whimper, while running to the kings palace. The king offered a nice soft pillow to the rabbit and told him to go to sleep. Soon the little rabbit was fast asleep. the next day he woke up with no pain and all of it's tail back. he decided to live with the king until the day he died, and was sweet to all the creatures on the earth. even the ones that weren't so nice back. the little rabbit and all the other creatures on the earth lived Happily Ever After!

You are welcome to take these ideas and put them in your story if you like. Owe and keep up the good work!

live4friends coment: I still am wondering how the rabbit tricked the shark. explain please ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ April 12,2007 Dear live for friends he got the shark to line up all his friends to line up across the river. He got the shark to line his friends up across the river to see if he really had friends but he tricked them and jumped across their backs. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++